Oh boy. We were scheduled to have a court date tomorrow, but it seems from the 2nd police report Sami obtained that the police have found Y’s mother. They arrested and then released her, and Sami has been ordered to bring her to court on the 15th so that she can sign away her rights to the baby, or reclaim him.
If they can’t find her to bring her to court on the 15th and she doesn’t relinquish him they will publish information and a request for her to come to court in a local newspaper, and after 15 days if she doesn’t make contact then they will declare him a ward of the state again.
Sami has spoken to her and she has confirmed that she doesn’t want Y and wants him to be raised by someone else and is happy for it to be us. From what I understand, it is normal for mothers not to come to court because they’re scared of being arrested again, so it’s unlikely that she’ll show up on the 15th.
I asked what will happen if she does come and she’s changed her mind and wants him back. Basically, she is not allowed (by law) to see the baby before signing her relinquishment, and if she says she wants him back she has to prove that she has the means and willing to care for him. The authorities don’t look kindly on this, as far as they’re concerned she’s already proven herself to be an unfit mother by leaving him in the first place.
I am very torn. It is devastating that poverty has left this woman so desperate that she abandoned her new-born baby. I wish that things were different and that he could be raised by his own mother and that there was no need for him to be adopted. BUT I want him to be our son so badly it actually hurts a bit, and I am TERRIFIED of her taking him back. I don’t think I could bear it.
And then I have so many more questions I need to resolve in my own mind. If she does relinquish him and everything goes ahead as planned, now that she is real and not just an abstract figure who can never be traced, should I try and contact her? Meet her? I need to know as much as I can about her and Y’s father so I can tell him when he’s older. Will he want to try and find them one day? If he does, should I try and maintain contact with them for the next 18 years so that his search will be much easier? What if he has siblings? Should T and I go and see the place where she lives? From what I understand she’s from the country not Addis itself. If we maintain any kind of relationship/contact with her, should we bring Y to visit her when he’s older? Would that be a positive thing to do or bewilder and hurt him? T and I never wanted an open adoption of any kind so this is quite stressful and confusing. Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself and she will disappear into the breeze and that will be that.
I have asked Sami to ask her some basic questions, but honestly, I have no idea how we’re meant to proceed and what the right thing to do in this situation is.
desperateinthedesert 